Afterthoughts 3

14 nights but I still don’t know what homelessness is like for women

During my fortnight on the streets, several women said to me that if they were to sleep rough there would be, as one woman put it, “an extra layer of vulnerability”. I realised I hadn’t ever considered the risk of a sexual attack.

I’ve known men who have been sexually abused whilst rough sleeping, but they seem isolated incidents. I never considered it could happen to me. Women seemed to consider it automatically. 

I am uncomfortable writing this blog. A 57-year-old man sharing insights into being female and homeless? The reality is that I’m admitting my ignorance. After 17 years I thought I knew the issues of female homelessness. I probably do but I now realise how little I understand them.

I remember an incident of a woman who was nineteen. She came to the project seeking help. Her boyfriend had been arrested. She was alone and said, in the space of an afternoon, three men had offered to ‘protect’ her. She knew the cost of protection was sex with them and earning money for drugs by having sex with others. Shocking, isn’t it?

I asked the opinion of women I know well who have experienced homelessness. One told me, “if you are a homeless woman, you expect to be offered something in return for sex.” Her answer was immediate. She didn’t have to think about it. For others it was being female that made them desperate to sleep on friend’s floors rather than the street. Another, who had escaped domestic violence, simply said, “I couldn’t do that. It was too raw for me.” Her first response was to tell me why she avoided it, not that it didn’t happen. 

Near the end of my fourteen days, I told a female colleague that I wouldn’t want to be a woman on a period whilst sleeping rough. It is theoretical for me. Clearly, I’ve no personal experience of menstruation. My colleague said, “without medication I’d probably murder Bob (her partner) on a monthly basis. Have you thought about those women who have it really bad? Or menopausal stuff? And no medication?”

No, I hadn’t. And I find it difficult to imagine what ‘really bad’ really means. And, aside from the physical symptoms, it strikes me there are other emotional and social implications I struggle to imagine too.

I’d mentioned menstruation because I wanted clean socks and underwear and thought clean underwear would be even more important for women. It was another colleague who said, “Yes, that’s true, but some women want to be as unattractive as possible. A bad smell is a deterrent.” Really? I hadn’t thought of that either. 

Of course, women speak to women about being a woman. I am on the outside. What is obvious is that I don’t know the half of it, and this is too serious an issue to remain ignorant about. 

If you want to know more about changing the lives of people who are homeless visit www.archerproject.org.uk 

To donate follow the link https://www.justgiving.com/campaign/timssleepoutslog